plenty of mess without a hurricane.

I think a baby has died everyday this week in Peds. Or at least it feels that way. I haven't been able to sleep two nights because wailing mother's are being consoled outside of my window. Mother's losing babies that have nothing to do with earthquakes, cholera, or hurricanes. It's just life in Haiti.

I haven't been involved. I haven't been involved because both the other hospitals in Carrefour who we have great relationships with and who often save patients we can't closed this week. What a disaster. They were both planning on closing in December, but with the cholera and hurricane one stopped serving orthopedics and now is a cholera treatment center (for one patient that might have cholera). The other was a tent hospital that wanted to disband before the hurricane (that did not hit our area).

They will both be missed. But they were closing in December anyway...I think we are now the only hospital in Carrefour. I wasn't involved with the babies because I think we are the only hospital in Port-au-Prince doing orthopedics...maybe the only one in the country...

I have gotten a phone call everyday this week about a fractured femur transfer. We just don't have the capacity to be seen as a trauma hospital. It's really frustrating because at the end of the day, there is probably nowhere else for a femur fracture to go. We have eight trauma patients in house waiting for major surgeries. They were waiting for blood. Now they are simply waiting for manpower...for a doctor that's staying for more than eight days.

Our patients are still only getting one meal a day. I think that is perhaps the worst thing of all. We're talking about developing a new wing to the hospital and a great rehab center when the reality is if Elenor or I doesn't remember to go feed Paul (a patient here with no family) he will only get rice and beans at 1pm. He won't even get any water. That's a problem.

I believe we are in way over our heads here. We are all trying as hard as we can to make a difference and "improve healthcare in Haiti" and all that mess, but truthfully, the disaster doesn't seem much better than eleven months ago.

Tuesday night we had five trauma patients come in within an hour and a half. It scares me to think that if that had happened just six weeks ago I would have been the only ex-pat nurse here. Fortunately we had a great OR team and three full time nurses to jump into the action and get the patients straightened out. Everybody lived, and for now that seems to be the only goal.

I apologize if this post is a mess of ideas and complaints, but as the end of my time here approaches I wonder what, if anything, I have actually accomplished. A friend told me the other night that she would love to work long term in Haiti as long as she didn't have a job someplace that she felt would completely fall apart when she left. Sometimes I fear that's what we've gotten ourselves into. I pray that it's not true.

seven weeks.

I just returned from a five day break in Miami. It was a bit strange being my first time in the States since July 16th, but all in all it was wonderful. I was able to rest and spend time with my family and friends. I was also able to think about these last seven weeks approaching me. I can hardly believe it. Some days I feel like I've been here forever! Other times it seems so short.
I know that there are four things I need to accomplish in this time. They are four faces, four prayers. Four people who need help in four very different ways.

1) Wilny D'Haiti is 27, he has three children at home. He has lymphoma covering the entire back of his head. He wears a hat to keep away the stares. I'm not one to be disturbed by much, but the lesions and lumps on his head are hard for even me to look at. He is the one I was raising money for. For a long time I was told that there is no chemotherapy in Haiti. Through great connections and friends I've discovered that that isn't necessarily true so Wilny has been undergoing a series of tests so that he might be accepted for treatment. He will hopefully have his CT scan this week, which will give the doctors even clearer insight into what is needed. Please pray that he is accepted and that his treatment plan is set before I leave here.




2) Andre. Many of you know him. He's a eighteen year old boy who has been living here at the hospital since shortly after the earthquake. He needs a home. Andre comes from an abusive family and suffers from JRA so he is unable to do very much for himself. He has to eat a liquid to pureed diet and cannot get around without constant pain. He has nowhere to go. He currently sleeps on a cot in the hallway. Pray that we find somewhere to place him this month.

3) Kensia is a 15 year old girl with a heart murmur so loud you can practically hear it while standing next to her. She is in need of an aortic valve replacement due to severe aortic regurgitation and stenosis. I have managed to get two NGOs interested in her case and she could possibly have heart surgery in the Dominican or Israel depending on the assessments. She has a meeting tomorrow with CURE international who has promised to get her paperwork/passport ready. Please pray that the paperwork is processed quickly and her surgery is scheduled before December 17th.

4) Soline and David. I have mentioned them before. David is an 9 month old HIV positive baby, who is once again in a tent on the hospital grounds because he got sick at the orphanage. Soline, his mom, just turned 18. She is anxious to work but has no family support or resources. She does not have any friends. She had a really rough day today. She's alone in a country that is not kind to unwed mothers with HIV. Pray that we can find somewhere for her to live, pray that she can find work. Pray that David survives.

Donate to patient's in Haiti

Hey everyone, I am trying to raise $280 to get a CT of the brain for a cancer patient I am currently taking care of. We are trying to get him Chemo that we think can save him, but like healthcare in the US, things cost money. He needs a CT for evaluation.

If I raise over the desired amount I promise all other funds will go towards patients needing treatment (ultrasound, EKG, CTs, medicines) that they cannot afford. See below and thank you for considering.

fighting.

Last night I rode back from a health conference with a beautiful, brilliant, young Haitian doctor. We were talking about the Haitian people.

She said that often her people are rude. She said that it's hard for them. Specifically the uneducated people. For them everything is a fight. It's a fight for food, a fight to get on the tap-tap going in the right direction. A fight to sell each piece of fruit and every soda. It's a fight to survive. Especially in certain areas of Port-au-Prince, like Carrefour. She said they get so used to fighting everyday that their entire life and attitude becomes just that, a battle.

She said she wishes that they weren't rude sometimes, but she understands it. She believes it's her duty to help educate them. Aid them in survival. To show them grace.

It's so easy for me to forget the trials they face everyday while I live in a sturdy building with (usually) clean water and (sometimes) electricity. But all you have to do is ride across town to remember. I think we are all fighting to learn here in our own way.

my Jesus Revelation.

I'm going to be honest. I've had a really hard time with the Haitian people. In general that is. There are always exceptions...to well, everything. Except maybe that God is good...but for most everything else.

I've mentioned before that Haitian's are strong and patient. Resilient. But they are frustrating. They take and take and take and expect more. There is a white price and a Haitian price for every item on the street. It doesn't matter if you've been here six days or six years. They will always charge you more. They think we owe it to them.

No matter how many times I explain that I am here for free, not getting paid, they think I'm rich. They believe I have money and I should give it to them. They deserve it somehow.

For my first couple months here I thought that maybe they did. I’ve read the history and am aware that the French and Americans have used and abused Haiti over decades. And I am sure we still are, more than I realize…

But then I got fed up. A middle age patient who'd been walking around with a bullet in his leg limping terrible with a grossly affected femur got to me. I'd been advocating for weeks for him to have surgery as some physicians put it off on "the next guy." I'd made sure he and his daughter had enough food. I brought him juice. He had free medicine, free food, a free operation, free lab work, free xrays and far more than a free full days work from me.

He did well after his surgery. He was given everything he needed and more. When it came time for discharge he looked at me, happy but exhausted from the days work, and said, "aren't you going to give me money to go home?"

I about fell on the floor. I'm sure I rolled my eyes and looked at the translator. "I've given him everything I can, he hasn't paid a cent his entire stay here, but he needs to get himself home."

I was done. Served out. About ready to throw in the towel.

I have talked with other expats here many times about how we don't understand the common “Haitian attitude.” We've given up comfort. We've given up good paying jobs and regular meals. We've given up hot water and air conditioning. We've left our families and our cars and all that is familiar and easy. And everyday they ask us to give MORE.

Sometimes it's food. Sometimes it's money for school or a laptop or a free ride. Sometimes it's diapers or formula or your ipod.
And me in my sinful self simply wants to say...don't you think I've given you enough!?

How terrible my attitude has been.

Because...

He made Himself nothing.
Taking the very nature of a servant,
Being made in human likeness,
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled Himself and became obedient to death.
Even death on a cross.

from Philippians 2.

What I have given pales in comparison. In reality it is nothing. He gave and gave and gave and is still giving...

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.